Mind Transfer Shenanigans
by kuscospoison
Summary: Shino awakes one morning to find that his father is dating Inoichi Yamanaka, and attempts to sabotage the relationship with Ino. It does not go according to plan. Kibashino, Shikacho, mentioned Kakagai
1. chapter 1

It had been an average enough morning.

Shino had awoken to a sunny Saturday morning, his kikaichu humming happily. He felt ready to seize the day. It was a much-deserved day off, and Shino was going to do some intense gardening. He was excited, which to everyone else's eyes he only appeared to be stoic.

He went to the kitchen for a balanced breakfast. Instead he found a middle aged Yamanaka making breakfast and singing along to the radio.

Wearing Shino's father's bathrobe.

Shino decided to brush this detail off. He sat at the table patiently.

"Good morning." He finally said.

The man looked up. "Hey, Shino." He went back to making breakfast.

Shino had his hands folded on the table.

"You're Ino Yamanaka's dad, right?"

Inoichi nodded. "Yup."

Shino nodded. After a minute or so Inoichi gave Shino some of what he'd been making.

"You're dad had to go to a clan meeting. He'll be back later."

As if that would magically explain why INOICHI YAMANAKA WAS WEARING HIS FATHER'S BATHROBE.

Shino sighed and adjusted his glasses. He really couldn't miss a detail.

"Did you and my father engage in homosexual coitus last night?"

Inoichi nearly choked on his food, reduced to a coughing and sputtering mess.

Shino took that as a yes.

"Why?" He asked calmly.

Inoichi looked up. "Uhh...well...we've been friends for a long time...and the divorce..." Inoichi shrugged and chuckled nervously. "It kinda just happened."

"Nothing kinda just happens with the Aburame. We plan everything down to the last detail, coldly, logically, and it is never spontaneous. Now I'm sure you felt it kinda just happened, but my dad..." Shino froze in that train of thought. "My dad isn't gay. He loved my mom."

Inoichi nodded. "He still does, Shino. He's not going to stop loving her because of what happened. And people don't have to be just gay or straight. There's a lot of in between."

Shino gripped the sides of the chair. "Shut up."

Inoichi paused looking at Shino. "I'm sorry, we were going to tell you today, but the meeting was only announced this morning, and..."

"Shut up." Shino said a little louder.

Inoichi stopped. He stood up. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I need you to leave. You're trespassing on Aburame land. As the future clan leader it is my duty to protect the secrets of the Aburame clan." Shino stood, kikaichu crawling out of the hole in his cheek.

Inoichi put his hands up. "Shino. I'm not above using mind jutsu on you. I'm an invited guest here, by your dad."

Shino put his hands out, kikaichu swarming out of his sleeves. "I don't believe you."

"Shino." Shino heard a voice that made him pull back his kikaichu. He turned around to see his father scowling at him from the doorway.

"I do not appreciate you attacking guests, Shino."

"He told me lies about you engaging in homosexual coitus with him."

Shibi paused. "Homosexual coitus?" An eyebrow arched.

Inoichi snorted. "He used that word on me, too man. Kids are so weird..." He chuckled.

Shibi snorted what many people did not realize was the Aburame laugh. "Alright then, Shino. I'm going to rephrase this: I do not appreciate you attacking my boyfriend, Shino."

"What about mom?"

"It's been sixteen years, Shino. She would want me to be happy. She would want you to be happy too."

"What about the clan? You're the clan leader, you have a reputation, you have to have approval from other members."

"I spoke with the elders in the meeting this morning and everyone was fine with it."

Shino thought. "I can't have Ino Yamanaka as a step sister."

Inoichi folded his arms. "And why not?"

"She calls me cockroach and had everyone pretend I didn't exist for a week."

Inoichi looked shocked. "Ino really did that? That's awful..."

Shino can't help but find himself rambling, ashamed at this display of emotion and the fact that he was letting a girl manipulate him. "She once took all the food out of my lunch pale and replaced it with garbage." He's tattling and he hates himself for it.

"But that...that's so mean. My daughter is a good friend to Choji and Shikamaru."

Shino shrugged and began to leave. Shibi let him pass.

Inoichi frowned. "You're just gonna let him leave?"

Shibi turned to Inoichi. "That is the most emotion I've seen him display since he was a toddler. He needs space to process his emotions."

"He tried to attack me!"

"Because he's frightened." Inoichi sighed and came forward, playing with the zipper of Shibi's coat.

"Alright, I'll bite. What's he so afraid of?"

"He's afraid we won't spend as much time together if I have you in my life, that I'll abandon him. He's also afraid to face his own feelings that he has for...someone. A boy, probably."

Inoichi chuckled. "Maybe you should be the one with the mind jutsus." He took his hand.

Shibi gave another snort laugh. "Only in the case of my son. I've had to raise him myself."

Inoichi got close to him and nuzzled him. "Well, now I can help. I just wanna know where he got the term 'homosexual coitus'"

Another snort laugh. "Me too."


	2. Chapter 2

Shino was not, in fact, seeking solitude. He was making a plan.

He finally found them after sending out multiple kikaichu to scout the area. He stepped into the clearing to meet them.

Asuma spotted him first. They seemed to be talking about something.

"What can I do for you, Shino?" Asuma said warmly.

"I need to speak with Yamanaka." Ino glared up at Shino.

Asuma nodded. "Alright. Don't keep her too long." Ino rolled her eyes and stood up.

"What do you want, cockroach?" Ino spat when she came over to him.

"Do you know where your father is right now?"

Ino shrugged. "Back at the flower shop, I would assume."

"You assume wrong."

Ino glared at him. "How would you know?"

"Because he was at my house this morning, making me breakfast."

Ino blinked. "I'm sure he was just having a meeting or something. Maybe he has a mission with your dad."

"Then why was he wearing my father's bathrobe, Yamanaka?"

Ino paused. Then realization dawned on her face, only to change to horror.

"Ohh, that's not good. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would be glad that my dad found someone else, and I'm fine if it's a guy. My two best friends are gay for each other. It's really obvious, actually, like they hang out all the time and Shikamaru is only ever nice and talkative to Choji and when I told them to get a room they were blushing like-"

" Can we please stay focused? Remember, if they get together, then we end up... " Shino shudders. "...step siblings."

Ino nodded. "Right. What do we do?"

" We're going to break them up. Make them realize that Aburame and Yamanaka do not go together. "

Ino nodded. "Mkay. How are we going to do that?"

"Well, we could use your mind transfer jutsu on them, and then you just tell the other that it's off -"

"Sounds good!"

"You didn't let me finish. That wouldn't work. Why, you ask? Because if it was your father who was transferred, he could resist it and then we would be in trouble. If you used my father, Yamanaka would notice what had happened right away."

Ino nodded. "Alright. Quick thing. Instead of calling us by our last names, which, if you didn't notice, mine is the same as my dad's, you call us by our first names. Got it, beetle brain?"

Shino nodded.

"So what's the plan?" Ino said, her arms crossed.

Shino smirked a little under his collar. "We're going to sow the seeds of discord between our clans. How, you ask? I'm not going to let you in on all the details, but when I need your abilities I will call upon you."

Ino nodded. "Mmhm. And who are you calling upon?"

"I hate repeating myself."

"You're not repeating yourself. I just wanna hear you say my first name."

"Ino."

Ino nodded. "Alright. Cool. Seeya around!"

Shino nodded. "Don't go to the flower shop between four to ten pm."

Ino frowned. "Why?"

Shino sighed. "The reason is because I'm going to plant termites at that time which will attack the roof of the shop, causing it to collapse."

Ino shook her head. "You can't do that. That's my family's living. That's where I grew up. You can't do that."

"It's the only way." he began to leave.

"You can't do this!"

Shino ignored her and kept walking, not looking back.

That was a big mistake.

Had he looked back, he would have seen Ino making the hand sign for her mind transfer jutsu.


	3. Chapter 3

Ino had a tendency to get caught up in the moment.

She hadn't necessarily planned to transfer with Shino. But it happened.

What a lot of people didn't understand about mind transfer was that you got a glimpse into another person's psyche. Sakura had been a lot more resistant to that, and so had Kin. But after a bit, they would lose power and Ino would have control.

Shino was a lot more resistant than anyone she had ever transferred with.

She felt sheer panic and horror at the realization of what happened, then anger, then resolve. He knew how Sakura had successfully resisted her in the Chuunin exams. But that had been a different setting. Naruto had been using her name, talking to her.

Asuma and the boys were running over to them.

"Ino! What the hell happened?"

There was a fleeting fear that Ino would hurt his kikaichu before Shino finally lost the internal battle.

'I promise not to hurt them if you can show me how to control them,' Ino told Shino.

'You've already lost control.'

Ino looked up. There was a huge swarm of kikaichu around them. Asuma, Shikamaru, and Choji were yelling and running back.

'You carry all of these in your body?!?'

'They are my hive. They have multiplied tenfold since the first eggs were implanted within me.'

Ino shuddered. 'That is literally the grossest thing I have ever heard.'

'Is it, though? Your blatant use of hyperboles makes me think otherwise.'

'Just shut up and show me how to get these things back inside!'

Shino showed her a memoryof being with his father in their garden, Shino just a child. Another boy, a little older than Shino, stood back from them.

Shibi spoke. "Kikaichu don't understand words, Shino. They don't need them. They understand impulses, images, feelings. That is why we must remain emotionally in control."

The memory ended.

'Get it?'

'I guess so? Who was the other kid?'

Shino didn't answer. Ino decided to ask him later, and she put up Shino's hands, using the mental image of Shino letting them out, but in reverse.

After a few minutes all of the beetles returned to the hive. Asuma and the other genin ran over.

"...Ino?" Asuma asked, frowning.

"Yeah." Ino had done enough mind transfers to be used to speaking with a different voice by now, but Shino's felt so...buzzy and weird. "Can you get my body and find a good hiding spot for it? Beetle brain has some whacked ideas so I'm taking the reins for a while."

Asuma frowned. "What kind of ideas?"

"He found out my dad and his dad were together, like romantically, and we were gonna try to split them up, but then Shino started saying about destroying the flower shop."

Asuma nodded. "I'm a little disappointed in you, Ino."

'Get in line, hobo.' Shino commented.

"Shut up! He's not a hobo!" Ino mumbled.

They all stared at her. Or Shino, that is.

"Can you take his sunglasses off? I wanna see what his eyes look like." Choji said, grinning. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Ino smirked. "Sure."

'You're going to regret this.'

'What? No long winded explanation after saying "Why, you ask?"' Ino retorted.

'No, it's so much more rewarding to watch you make an idiot of yourself.'

Ino scowled. She never realized how salty Shino could be.

She took off the sunglasses, and found that Shino was right. The sunlight felt like she was standing in front of a bunch of LED lamps. She hissed and clamped a hand over her eyes.

'What the hell?'

'The kikaichu have heightened my senses. I told you so."

Ino put the glasses back on.

"I guess Aburame are really sensitive to light." Ino said in an annoyed voice.

Asuma nodded.

"I'm hungry! Let's go out for barbeque!" Choji suggested.

Before anyone could answer, Kiba came running into the clearing.

Shino's gut reaction to him told Ino enough.

'Ooo, someone is in love!' She smirked. Take that, you creepy bastard.

Kiba ran up to Ino. "What the hell? We had a meeting and we had no idea where you were!"

'I am not. Perhaps I can resist you by annoying you until you get so sick of being in my head you leave.'

"I was busy." Ino replied, doing her best Shino impression.

"Doing what?" Kiba growled.

'Fat chance, beetle brain. I'd go right up to Kiba and kiss him in your body before I'd do that.'

There was a flash of emotion, desire and lust from Shino at the image of kissing Kiba.

'Why don't you just do it?' Ino asked.

Before Shino could answer, Kiba got closer. "Well?" He barked.

'He smells good...like soil and wood...'

'Focus, Shino! What do we tell him?'

There was a pause.

"Whatever. Fuck you, you unfeeling prick. You were supposed to spar with Hinata today. What's your problem? You've been avoiding hanging out with the team lately and it's starting to make missions harder too." Kiba was turning away.

'Tell him I was asking Shikamaru for advice.'

"I required advice from Shikamaru."

Kiba turned around. He glared at Shino. "Well, come on. Hinata was willing to wait for you."

Ino followed after him, panicking.

'I don't know Hinata's taijutsu! What do I do?'

'Hm, now would be an excellent time to switch back...'

'Remember what I said?'

'Don't. Please don't. You saw how he was. He hates me. We fight all the time.'

'And yet he's your best friend.'

'Stop picking through my head!'

'I will when you tell him how you feel!'

'I CAN'T!!'

Ino felt startled by the sheer emotion coming from Shino.

'What's the worst that could happen?'

'Kiba could say no. Then hate me. Then Hinata will hate me because she'll find out and Kiba will tell everyone and they'll all laugh at me and then no one will ever love or want me and the resulting depression will cause me to fail as a shinobi and because of that I will commit suicide.'

'...You've really planned this out, huh?'

'That's what I do. I plan. I look for contingies, calculate risks.'

'I think you're overthinking this.'

'I think you should leave my head.'

'I think-' Before Ino could think she found herself crashing into a tree and falling to the ground.

When she landed, she knew something had sprained. She could almost hear Shino slow clapping in her head.

Akamaru was first to go to her, sniffing and nuzzling.

Ino sat up, putting Shino's hood down so she could get the leaves and twigs out.

'How in the five hokages do you brush your hair?' It was thick and tangly.

'I don't.'

Kiba landed his eyes wide. "Shino? Are you hurt?" He kneeled next to him.

"I think I sprained my ankle."

Kiba began helping him up, putting Shino's arm over his shoulders to help Shino/Ino walk.

"What were you doing that you didn't see the tree?" Kiba chuckled a little.

"I...got lost in thought."

While Ino was stuck trying to make up excuses, Shino was enjoying the contact with Kiba.

'I swear if you get a boner right now I will not hesitate to throw us into another tree.'

'I will do my best.'

Kiba smirked. "I know what it is."

"You do?"

Kiba grinned and nodded. "It's a girl. So who is it? If it's Hinata I'll have to kill you, she's like our sister, dude."

Ino shook her head. "No..."

Kiba bit his lip. "Is it a boy?"

Ino looked up. "Why would you ask that?"

Kiba shrugged. "It happens, man. Everybody knows Naruto had a thing, still has a thing, for Sasuke, and then there's Shikamaru and Choji..."

'How does he not notice the pattern forming here! All the guys crushing on their male teammates!' Ino yelled in her head.

'He's not the sharpest shuriken in the pouch...'

Ino sighed. "It's plausible."

Kiba snorted. "Okay, that's Shino for yes. You're gonna have me play the guessing game huh?"

Ino shrugged. She knew all the methods for flirting went out the window with Shino. He had about as much sex appeal as a centipede.

'I'll have you know there are some very sexy centipedes out there.'

'Shut up, Shino!'

Kiba thought, then looked up. "Does he have brown hair?"

Ino nodded. There was a knot of anxiety in Shino's stomach.

Kiba grinned. "That narrows it down. Are they in a relationship?"

Shino shook his head.

Kiba nodded. "Are they from konoha?"

Ino nodded.

Kiba laughed. "Is it Neji?"

"No." Shino was emotionally screaming.

Kiba frowned. "But that's..." Realization dawned on his face.

Suddenly Ino lost control, Shino's terror driving her out. Ino woke up a bit later in some bushes nearby the clearing her team had been in. She growled and dusted herself off.

"Nice work, guys."


	4. Chapter 4

Shino had control back, finally, but what was there to do except look down. He couldn't bear to look at Kiba.

"Why would you want me?" Kiba finally said.

Shino looked up.

"You're so smart, and you don't ramble on and you have this mysterious air...all I have to offer is that I have a cool dog."

Shino felt words bubbling up. "You're kind, people like you and they remember you and you're a good shinobi and you're good looking and everyone thinks I'm creepy-"

Before he could continue Kiba broke him off with a kiss.

Ino caught up with Shikamaru and Choji at the barbeque restaurant Choji liked.

"You guys could've put my body in a better place than behind some bushes!" Ino stood over them.

Shikamaru shrugged while Choji looked down.

Ino sat down next to Choji with a huff. "You guys are ridiculous."

Shikamaru gave another shrug. "So, you worked everything out? Your dad isn't marrying Shino's dad."

Ino gave a nervous smile. "We didn't do that."

Shikamaru frowned. "So you just went and sparred with Hinata?"

"Didn't make it that far."

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes, but shrugged and sat back. Choji was interested now, his attention pulled away from the barbeque for once.

"So what happened? How come you showed up limping?"

Ino bit her lip. "I ran into a tree."

Choji scowled. "Okay...why?"

"Shino and I were bickering and I wasn't paying attention."

Choji narrowed his eyes. Ino could tell Shikamaru was listening, even though he was looking away with a bored expression. "We were bickering about whether or not he would tell Kiba about his crush on him." She smirked.

"Shut the front door! Really?" Choji yelled, grinning. Shikamaru flicked his eyes over at them.

Ino nodded. "I got Kiba to figure it out before Shino managed to push me out."

Choji huffed. "That's it? You didn't see anything else?" Ino shook her head, grinning.

Choji whined and comforted himself with barbeque. Ino grinned. "So what're you guys doing?"

Shikamaru and Choji stared at each other. Choji gave a nervous laugh. "Ino...you're our best friend and you know that-"

"Omigod I'm a third wheel now?"

Choji blushed and stuffed his mouth with barbeque so he would have an excuse not to talk. Shikamaru sighed. "It's a total drag, but ever since Kakashi and Gai got married we thought we may as well come out. This was actually a date."

Ino giggled. "It's about damn time you two finally came out of the closet omigod I should totally plan your wedding that would be so adorable and-"

Shikamaru covered Ino's mouth with his hand. "Can we just worry about this date first? And the fact that you crashed it?" He pulled his hand away.

Ino nodded and got up. "I am so sorry you guys." She squealed. "You make such a cute couple!" Ino was squealing and giggling. Shikamaru slumped.

"What a drag..."


	5. Chapter 5

Ino finally caught up with Shino that evening. She grinned at him.

"Welll..?" She drew the word out.

Shino stared at her.

"How'd it go with Kiba?"

Shino scowled. "I thought we agreed emotional companionship between us would be unwise."

Ino shrugged. "Well...I mean you're not as creepy as I thought. You're actually pretty cool, and nice. You just gotta get out of that shell of yours." She smiled.

Shino tilted his head a bit. "Perhaps becoming acquaintances wouldn't be so bad..."

Ino shook her head. "No. We're friends, Shino. And if our dads get married, we'll be siblings." Ino frowned. "Who was the boy in that memory?"

Shino looked down. "I can't say."

Ino stared at him. "Yknow, I had an older cousin...He just disappeared when we were kids. It was like he didn't exist. Was that boy like my cousin?"

Shino hesitantly nodded.

"Was he your brother?"

Shino sighed. "He may as well have been."

Ino nodded. "I'm sorry." Shino only replied with a shrug.

"So what happened with Kiba?" Ino grinned as she saw Shino blush. She elbowed him playfully. "Cmon, stud. I deserve the deets after making it happen!"

Shino looked down. "He kissed me."

Ino's eyes widened. "On the lips?"

Shino blushed harder and nodded.

Ino squealed and hugged Shino, who made a raspy protesting sound.


End file.
